In her recently released book The Soulmate Strategy: My Imperfect Plan to Conquer Heartbreak and Find True Love, (She Writes Press), Corey Seemiller, an accomplished professor, author, podcaster and TED speaker, writes from an initial position of neediness, a desire to be loved, a desire to be with someone, to the point that she often dishonours her own wishes and wants, which is a space so many of us have found ourselves in.
While narrated from a lesbian’s point of view, Seemiller’s story of heartbreak, obsession and subsequent hope is a familiar narrative. Heartbreak is universal but it doesn’t make the shared experience any easier.
Seemiller begins with a humourous anecdote witnessed pool side at a lesbian party on the Fourth of July. Her partner, Zion, had recently told her that their relationship wasn’t good, it just wasn’t working anymore, that she was taking their daughter Kiddo and moving out. They were packed and gone within minutes, leaving Seemiller with a heart full of angst and an overriding fear of dying alone.
And so begins her year-long journey from deep emotional co-dependency to an understanding of her own self-worth and what a true love attachment really means.
Inundated with texts from friends, such as her wing woman TikTok, updating Seemiller on her ex’s lover’s affair with a woman she’s seemingly just hooked up with, sends Seemiller into a tailspin.
At the root of Seemiller’s angst is her next-to-impossible aspirations to have a perfect love relationship, one that is influenced by the devastating impact and messiness of her parents’ divorce. To that end, Seemiller promises herself she’ll be mindful of any red flags in her new relationships, that she would pay better attention to her intuition, but in truth she doesn’t know how to see or even discern them.
Divided into four sections, Getting Up, Getting Out, Getting Through, and Getting On, Seemiller explores the assorted options recommended and available to her. She creates The Plan for herself which embraces forty-four strategies to move from “heartbreak to soulmate.” These include getting a therapy coach, journaling, looking in places where you can meet the love of your life, (Seemiller engaged in book lurking), engaging a breakup coach, embracing positivity, and putting herself out there. As Seemiller quips, her dating app availability went from a 100-mile radius to radius infinity.
Leaving herself wide-open and deeply vulnerable, Seemiller shares her heartbreak and her co-dependency on others for self-validation. It is this honesty that allows readers to recognize themselves in her story —the loneliness, the fear of being alone, and the deep desire to be loved —in a way that validates their own struggles. Seemiller shares her personal fears – what if she screws up again and picks the wrong person? How can she possibly go through this kind of pain again?
Which is not to say that Seemiller’s journey is without humour. Indeed, her narrative is often light-hearted as she drops in unexpected quips that are frequently laugh-out-loud funny.
For instance, she describes one of her online dating matches as a “woman from the East Coast who I had a lot in common with, despite her love for running and my desire to only do so if chased.”
The supporting cast of characters that appear throughout are so life-like and engaging that I found myself cheering some on, such as TikTok and Naked and Afraid, but not others, because Seemiller’s strength, vulnerability and road to healing are so ardent and sincere that I want fervently for her to heal and love again.
The Soulmate Strategy is a memoir, a deeply personal and relatable conduit that allows those who have gone through the devastation of heartbreak, of losing someone you’re deeply attached to, that you thought was your person, to hope and laugh again. The book fosters a sense of shared experiences rather than a feeling of going crazy, like you’re the only person that has ever gone through such an overwhelming breakup.
A celebration of coming into her own, Seemiller’ sense of self-validation and self-love is a joy-filled learning experience that is well worth the read.@shewritespress @coreyseemiller
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Cece is the feature cover writer for several prestigious publications both in print and online, and an informed, connected and enthusiastic book blogger at cecescott.com. Her first book, “The Love Story,” was published in 2019.
All three of her books, which includes “Nunzio Tumino: A Pocketful of Dreams: An Immigrant’s Journey,” and “Helping People One Hand At A Time” are available at Amazon.ca : cece m scott
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